*For ease of flow in this article, I will use Runner and Chaser. The chaser is the push energy, typically the awakened twin who understands the connection and is trying to bring the connection online and into union. The Runner is the one who is more resistant to the relationship, for a multitude of reasons. You can also use the terms Push (Chaser) and Pull (Runner) energy.
This is a question I see in many twin flame groups online. It goes one step further than asking the general question of "Is this person really my twin?" which is a very common question to ask, especially in the early stages of the journey. By putting the second half of the question there, the person asking the question essentially is saying that Runners are generally narcissists and that's why they are running or rejecting the efforts of the Chaser.
Why Word Choice is So Important
If you heard someone saying "Oh my god, I'm so depressed. Starbucks was out of my regular coffee so I had to get house blend. Yuck," you would likely not take them seriously, right? The chances of drinking a substitute coffee triggering a major depressive episode that requires psychiatric intervention is pretty slim. Not only is it (in almost all cases) inaccurately reflecting what the person truly feels, which is disappointed or mildly annoyed, it also comes across as trying to gain undue attention and sympathy by suggesting they are in a far worse state than they truly are.
Our word choice when speaking about our twin and this frequently misunderstood journey should be deliberate and a correct representation of what we truly mean, especially when communicating online where tone is often lost. Because of twin flames becoming trendy in pop culture and the impression of people wanting to jump on the bandwagon, we need to be true to ourselves and be leaders in the twin flame community, even when we're hurting. Yes, feeling rejected by your twin can be outrageously painful, but lets look at the way we are describing our twin and their behavior.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder vs Narcissistic Traits vs Just Being an A**hole
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a clinically diagnosed condition that is characterized by pervasive patterns of unreasonably high sense of self-importance, a complete lack of empathy for others, exhibiting arrogant or haughty attitudes, and a constant need for approval or admiration. One of the common scenarios that comes up is their belief that "if the other person knew what I knew, then of course they'd agree with me." There is no room for accepting that the other person may simply have a different opinion. The assumption is that the other person is stupid or uninformed, whereas they are enlightened and superior because they "know" the truth. You can
Demonstrating narcissistic traits periodically does not mean someone has NPD or is a full blown narcissist. Typically someone who demonstrates one or two narcissistic traits will still be able to feel empathy for others and treat people with kindness. Being self-absorbed does not make someone a narcissist, rather it often points to something unhealed within themselves. While there is disagreement within the twin flame community as to whether "true twins" would ever intentionally or maliciously hurt the other, I believe that in their heart, they do love you. I believe that running for twins is not due to indifference towards you, rather an unintentional byproduct of other their inability to resolve their wounding. An option that needs to be reasonably considered is "is this person just an a**hole?" They have the ability to feel empathy, they just choose to be dismissive of you/your connection because they truly do not feel the same way as you do.
Difference in Runner Behavior and in Lacking Empathy
We typically see that the Runner runs because the connection overwhelms them. It exposes underlying wounds or trauma around feelings of unworthiness, fear of abandonment, etc. Being scared is different than being unconcerned as to the well-being or feelings of another. The problem may be further compounded if your twin is in a committed relationship with someone else. An end to that relationship may trigger a whole host of other feelings for them, like guilt, responsibility, feeling like they are abandoning or betraying their current partner, etc. This is particularly difficult in twin flame dynamics because we know there is trauma to heal in order to come into union (inner union for ourselves, and physical union with our twin). You may be tempted to assume that the running is due to wounding rather than indifference, disinterest, or incompatibilities between you two.
What To Do About This Dynamic/Concern
Ask yourself why you are choosing to label them as a narcissist. By trying to label the person as a full blown narcissist, are you trying to excuse their behavior (because now it is a "diagnosed, clinical condition")? Are you feeling hurt and looking for support, sympathy, or strength from other people?
Examine your own thoughts as to why the relationship is not coming online the way you were hoping. Are you sitting in a mindset of "if they would just give this a chance and really understand what our twin flame connection is, then of course they would choose to be in union with me right now"? If so, that sounds an awful lot like how a narcissist believes that if the other person just knew what they knew, then of course they would agree.
Dig deeper as to the lessons both you and your twin are needing to learn at this moment. Your twin needs to be able to CHOOSE this path of their own accord. Some runners describe feeling like the chaser was trying to push them through their life lessons and healing too quickly, to the point they didn't have the chance to learn the lesson themselves. This will only result in future problems and more delays.
If you truly, honestly believe the person has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you should also do a great deal of self-reflection and meditation to examine whether this person is your twin flame, or whether you are simply hoping they are. Are you drawn to the idea of your love being fated and destined? Are you someone who is drawn to "fixing" broken people?
Takeaways
Remember, a twin flame connection cannot come online and into union when you are in a perpetual state of anger, frustration, or any other low-vibrational experience. One of the key components to this journey is learning to lead with love and accept the person as they are. If your attitude towards your twin is to label them as a selfish narcissist and to push them to change into something you deem more appropriate, then make sure you are taking adequate time to focus on your own healing in order to move into a space of unconditional love for your twin and respect for their journey.
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